by Andrew Kravig
Every single day, we hear folks talking about how these are “unprecedented times.” Which is true, of course. These times do feel overly “unprecedented.” But what does that mean? What does it actually mean, as a lived experience, to chart an existence in a world where there is not an instruction manual or reliable guideposts to help you navigate?
by Sara Stanizai, LMFT
All relationships are inter-cultural.
We all carry our own personal, familial, cultural, national, spiritual, and other contexts with us as we try to connect with each other.
Some of these differences are more recognizable than others. While these relationships are often rich in love and learning, they can also present unique challenges that require open communication, empathy, and a keen understanding of power dynamics.
As a licensed marriage and family therapist and a student of Relational Life Therapy, I often draw upon the principles of RLT to help couples navigate these complexities.
by Andrew Kravig, AMFT
The world can feel like a hellscape right now. That might be putting it mildly. This year (is it only March??) has left many of us feeling overwhelmed, helpless, and exhausted. Everywhere you look there is chaos: the ongoing challenges of climate change, political instability, social injustices, threats of authoritarianism around the globe, handling the constant barrage of news alerts about the next big crisis. Oof. It’s easy to feel as though the world is spiraling out of control. And when combined with the weight of our everyday, personal struggles, we can often find ourselves depleted, utterly drained, both mentally and emotionally. This feeling is something we call often burnout, and especially when paired with depression, it can easily crush our ability to function and stay regulated.
But there are some ways to navigate through these difficult times, rebalance yourself, and perhaps reclaim some energy, so that you can foster your well-being. “Thriving instead of striving” is how my eighth grade Health Class teacher used to put it. (Looking back, she might have known a few things. I should have paid more attention.)
To All My Queers <3
by Andrew Kravig, AMFT
I don’t know about you, but right now the world around me can feel overwhelming. This day and age can feel impossible as LGBTQ+ individuals, facing societal challenges and discrimination, on top of our daily personal struggles. In such tumultuous times, self-care becomes more than just a luxury; it becomes a vital tool for maintaining emotional, mental, and physical health. But how can LGBTQ+ people prioritize their well-being in a world that sometimes feels hostile? Here are some practical and empowering ways to navigate self-care while honoring your unique identity.
Starting therapy can feel a bit intimidating. With all the different types of therapy and advice floating around, it’s normal to feel confused about what you’re walking into. You might wonder, "What exactly is therapy? Why do some people need it? And how do I know if it’s actually helping me?" These are great questions with nuanced answers. Let’s dive into what therapy is, what it isn’t, and how to tell if it's working for you.
What is self-trust?
It’s more than self-compassion, or self-esteem. It’s not thinking you’re great all the time, or ignoring your faults. It’s also not beating yourself up for mistakes, or “not living your highest potential.”
When you start to internalize acceptance of yourself, it changes the way you operate in the world. These are five habits that change when you begin to trust yourself:
Impostor Syndrome or Impostor Phenomenon s a term coined by Pauline Clance in 1978, based on her research studies of high-achieving women in university settings. It is characterized by people of all genders who are successful by reasonable external measures but have not internalized this success. Instead, they report that their success was gained either by accident, an oversight by others, or that they are generally a fraud, waiting to be found out.
While it was originally researched among college women, newer research suggests that it is experienced across the board. Which makes sense - people of all genders experience specific societal expectations, and struggle with self-image.
One of our specialties is working with high-functioning anxiety, perfectionism, and impostor syndrome, particularly in bicultural, first-generation, and immigrant Americans. There is a great deal of impostor syndrome in people who are acculturating to mainstream American culture. It’s exacerbated by the tendency that these folks are often acculturating at a rate faster than their families of origin, so people often don’t have the same “back-up” and reinforcement from their families. In this way, they may feel like they are unintentionally “leaving their families behind.”
One of the side effects of balancing your family's values and expectations with your own, is that people often feel like a failure by one set of standards (their family's), despite being successful by another set of measures (mainstream culture). And their own values are caught somewhere in the middle.
When your primary support system (your family) doesn’t know how to validate your success, you can start to believe it doesn’t count. Many bicultural people feel that their families don’t understand their work, their lifestyle, or some aspect of their identity. Compliments can feel stale or superficial. Or you might just stop sharing good news altogether because the response is disappointing.
There are other effects of impostor syndrome as well. It can cause people to hold themselves back from their goals, it can cause social and relational isolation, and can exacerbate existing symptoms of anxiety or depression. There is that self-fulfilling prophecy of not believing you are worthy of advancement, so people stop offering you opportunities, thus reinforcing your feelings of inadequacy.
If you can’t afford groceries because of your therapy bills, you’re seeing the wrong therapist.
I don’t care how much you like them, how chunky their jewelry is, or how hip their eyeglass frames are. If therapy is taking away too much from other parts of your life, you’re going to hate the process.
But therapy should be a little bit uncomfortable for you as the client.
An exchange of resources - time, money, energy - helps you both be accountable to the process. But what’s a fair price for that work?
A good therapist should be able to answer that question.
Many people can be socially awkward from time to time. It’s normal to experience periods of self-doubt. It’s natural (and healthy!) to second guess ourselves sometimes, too.
The important thing about impostor syndrome (rather than just regular anxiety or self-esteem issues) is that despite fears of being inadequate, you are wholly qualified to be doing what you’re doing.
Yeah, ok. You keep hearing about "the importance of setting boundaries" and you kind of have an idea of what people mean by that. (It's just saying "no" a lot more frequently....right?)
How do you set limits without hurting people's feelings? Especially when you don't even intend to be hurtful, but people take it the wrong way? Sometimes it feels easier to just give in and hope the other person notices that they're asking too much.
