Starting therapy can feel a bit intimidating. With all the different types of therapy and advice floating around, it’s normal to feel confused about what you’re walking into. You might wonder, "What exactly is therapy? Why do some people need it? And how do I know if it’s actually helping me?" These are great questions with nuanced answers. Let’s dive into what therapy is, what it isn’t, and how to tell if it's working for you.
What Is Therapy?
At its core, therapy is a process designed to help you work through various emotional, psychological, or relational challenges. Good therapy involves a professional relationship between a licensed therapist and a client (that’s you!) who collaboratively build a trusting alliance. The therapist listens to your concerns and uses their extensive training to help you better understand your thoughts, feelings, and actions. The goal isn't just to talk about your problems—it’s to explore ways to manage or resolve them, so you can feel better and live a more fulfilling life.
A key thing to remember is that therapy is a process. It’s not a magical fix, and it won’t solve everything overnight. But with time, commitment, and the right tools, therapy can help you better understand yourself, improve your emotional well-being, and develop healthier coping strategies for life's challenges.
Why Do People Start Therapy?
It’s important to remember that therapy is not just for “big” problems. Even if you feel like your issues aren’t severe, talking to a professional can still be incredibly helpful. Therapy isn’t just for when you’re at rock bottom—it’s a tool for anyone who wants to grow, heal, or improve their emotional health.
Some people decide to start therapy when they realize they’re stuck in a harmful pattern. For example, you might be a depression and anxiety veteran who has been white knuckling their way through daily obstacles for as long as you can remember. Then you realize that life isn’t this hard for others, so you finally muster the courage to allow yourself to seek help.
How Long Does Therapy Take?
This is one of the most common questions, but unfortunately, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. The length of therapy can vary depending on your goals, the type of issues you're working through, and how much time you can commit. Some people may feel better after just a few sessions, while others might benefit from long-term therapy.
In general, you might start by meeting weekly or bi-weekly with your therapist. Early on, you’ll probably focus on identifying and even labeling your current struggles. As you work together, you’ll set goals and develop strategies to tackle those challenges. Over time, you may find that you need fewer sessions as you start to feel more in control of your emotions and behaviors.
Your therapist will help guide you through this process and will check in with you regularly to see how you’re feeling about your progress. If you're not seeing progress, that’s an important conversation to have. You should always feel like therapy is helping you move toward positive change.
Green Flags in a Therapist
Now that you know what therapy is, let’s talk about what makes a good therapist. There are some key signs that your therapist is a good fit for you:
They make you feel heard and respected: Therapy should feel like a safe space where you can express yourself without judgment. If your therapist listens attentively and validates your feelings, they’re probably on the right track.
They create a collaborative environment: A great therapist works with you instead of simply telling you what to do. They’ll help you set goals and provide guidance, but they’ll also encourage you to take an active role in your healing process. They’ll also be open to your feedback about your therapy experience and will thoughtfully consider helpful adjustments.
They are clear about the therapy process: A good therapist will explain what therapy will look like and how it works. They’ll also let you know what’s expected of you (e.g., communication required to prevent additional fees).
They are consistent and reliable: You should be able to count on your therapist to be professional and show up on time for your sessions. If they’re consistent in their approach, you’ll feel more comfortable trusting them with your thoughts and feelings.
Red Flags in a Therapist
On the flip side, there are also red flags to look out for when choosing a therapist. These signs could indicate that a therapist isn’t the right fit for you, or they may suggest that their practice is not ethical or effective.
They make you feel uncomfortable or judged: If your therapist dismisses your feelings or makes you feel worse about yourself, it’s time to find someone else.
They don’t respect boundaries: Healthy boundaries are key to any professional relationship. If a therapist pressures you to share more than you're comfortable with or becomes overly familiar, that’s a major red flag.
They don’t tailor therapy to your needs: Therapy should be personalized to your unique challenges and goals. If your therapist uses a “one-size-fits-all” approach or doesn't listen to your feedback, they may not be the right fit.
Green and Red Flags in Therapy Progress
Beyond your therapist, it’s also important to recognize signs that therapy is working—or not working—for you.
Green Flags:
You feel a sense of relief or clarity: Even if things don’t change overnight, you should start to feel like you’re making progress, understanding yourself better, and finding new coping tools.
You’re noticing changes in behavior: Maybe you’re responding differently in difficult situations, handling stress better, or starting to feel more hopeful about the future.
Red Flags:
You feel stuck or discouraged: If you’ve been in therapy for a while and don’t feel any progress, or you feel like you’re talking in circles, it’s time to address it with your therapist. You might need a different approach or a break.
You’re not engaged: If you’re not willing to put in the effort outside of sessions or if you’re not finding the process helpful, it might be time to reassess whether therapy is the right approach for you.
Conclusion
Therapy is a powerful tool for self-discovery, emotional growth, and resolving personal challenges, but it is not a one-size-fits-all solution. Understanding what therapy is—and what it isn’t—can help you navigate the process with realistic expectations. It's a collaborative journey that requires time, commitment, and active participation from both the therapist and the client. Whether you're dealing with longstanding struggles or simply seeking personal growth, therapy can offer valuable insight, coping strategies, and the support you need to lead a more fulfilling life. By paying attention to both green and red flags along the way, you can ensure that you’re in the right therapeutic relationship and that the process is truly working for you. Remember, therapy is about progress, not perfection—so trust the process and give yourself grace as you move forward on your path to healing.
Read more about Therapy for Anxiety here, and Therapy with Brianna here.
