depression
Sara Stanizai
What to do When Low Moods Last Longer Than ...

It seems like a lot of people are using the internet to diagnose themselves. And it’s a great resource - people should have access to information that is relevant to their health. One of the problems with this deluge of information, however, is that it doesn’t take everyone’s personal experience into account. And before you know it, you could have a list of diagnoses that can do more harm than good.

So how can you tell the difference between regular low moods, and chronic depression?

Experiencing low moods is a natural part of life, but when these feelings persist longer than usual, it can impact various aspects of your life. Understanding how depression and prolonged low moods affect you is essential for managing your mental health. How do these feelings influence personal care, friendships, relationships, work life, and overall happiness. What can you do about it to help yourself, and when will seeing a therapist be helpful?

What to do When Low Moods Last Longer Than Normal
anxiety
Nik Stancil
Five Ways to Unhook from Anxious Thoughts

Has this ever happened to you? You’re sitting at home deliberating over whether to put on your shoes and see some friends for a night out. Maybe you should just cancel. All it would take is a text, “Sorry, can’t make it. Have a headache. :(” The temptation to climb in bed and hide under the covers grows enormous. All you can think about is that weird thing you said last week in front of a new acquaintance. Or that mistake you made at work. Or the big project that’s due next week. You’re definitely going to blow it. Your friends probably don’t really care about seeing you anyway.

But there’s another part of you, too. The part of you that loves your friends. That knows self- isolating will only make things worse. So why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we choose to opt out of things when that’s not really what we want? And, more importantly, what can we do about it when our anxious thoughts commandeer our behaviors, steering us away from what truly matters?

This is where cognitive defusion, a cornerstone of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), comes in. Cognitive defusion helps us “unhook” from anxious thoughts by creating space between us and the mental chatter. Instead of fighting or believing every thought, we learn to observe them with curiosity and let them come and go without being controlled by them.

Five Ways to Unhook from Anxious Thoughts
relationships
Sara Stanizai
Are Family Roles for Life?

By Sara Stanizai.

In my previous post, we explored how childhood dynamics shape our adult relationships, identifying common roles such as the Hero Child, Scapegoat Child, and Lost Child. Understanding these roles is the first step toward healing our relationships, but the real work lies in transforming these ingrained patterns into healthier relational dynamics.

Maybe you resonated with one or more of these roles. But now what?

What do you do when you feel stuck in these relationship patterns from your family?

According to Relational Life Therapy, understanding and using the basic concepts of the Adaptive Child, Wounded Child, and Wise Adult can help guide your journey toward healthier relationships.

Are Family Roles for Life?
relationships
Sara Stanizai
Heroes, Scapegoats, and Lost Ones: How ...

By Sara Stanizai

It might be a therapy cliche, but our family roles profoundly shape who we become as adults.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this (and sharing with my clients) especially recently. I’m making my way through a certification and training with my therapy hero, Terry Real, an LCSW and the founder of Relational Life Therapy (RLT).

In our trainings, he sheds light on the specific roles children often adopt within their families of origin. These roles—such as the Hero Child, the Scapegoat Child, and the Lost version of each of these—can have lasting effects on our behaviors and relationships as we navigate adulthood.

This especially resonates as I run the Eldest Daughters group and do more research on the impact of birth order on our mental health. It’s never as cut and dry as eldest/middle/youngest/only.

Understanding these roles can help us identify patterns in our romantic relationships, friendships, and professional lives, providing a pathway to healing and personal growth that we may not find in traditional therapies.

Which one are you?

Heroes, Scapegoats, and Lost Ones: How Childhood Dynamics Shape Adult Relationships
relationships
Sara Stanizai
No Contact: Navigating the Decision to Cut Ties

Like many pop psychology terms, people really throw around the idea of “going no contact.” It can be tempting to cutting ties with someone in your most heated moment — and it’s true, it can ultimately be beneficial to move on with your life.

But if you value community care, and wanting to do right by the people in your life, it can be confusing to figure out when and if it’s the right decision, and how to ethically do it.

What does going no contact actually mean and how can it help or harm you? How do you know if it’s the right decision for you? Have you truly done all you can - and should you?

No Contact: Navigating the Decision to Cut Ties

Navigating Couples Therapy for Queer People of Color: Key Considerations to Foster Transformation and Healing

Navigating Couples Therapy for Queer People of Color: Key Considerations to Foster Transformation and Healing

Couples therapy can be a transformative tool for strengthening relationships and fostering personal growth.

Truly transformative couples therapy can heal your inner child, and resolve decades old trauma. It can heal trauma that even existed prior to your relationship.

However, it is important to recognize that the experiences of queer people of color (QPOC) within couples therapy may differ due to intersecting identities and unique challenges. As queer affirming couples therapists, I want us to explore three specific considerations that can help ensure a truly welcoming and affirming couples therapy experience for QPOC individuals and their partners. (No “safe space” stickers here!)

Harnessing the Power of the Vagus Nerve: 7 Effective Ways to Support Your Mental Health

Harnessing the Power of the Vagus Nerve: 7 Effective Ways to Support Your Mental Health

In my quest to manage my mental health after an extremely stressful few years (who’s with me?) I’ve noticed everyone keeps talking about the vagus nerve. As the longest cranial nerve in the body, it forms a vital connection between the brain and various organs, including the heart, lungs, and digestive system.

It’s one of those things I learned about in grad school, as well as at several therapist trainings over the years. But like most things, I didn’t start paying close attention until it affected me. Here’s what I’ve learned, I hope it helps you too.

REST AND DIGEST: The Opposite of Fight or Flight

By stimulating the vagus nerve, we can enhance our vagal tone, which is crucial for supporting our mental health.

Increasing your vagal tone activates the parasympathetic nervous system, and having higher vagal tone means that your body can relax faster after stress.

If you think of stress management in terms of cultivating the opposite of fight or flight, you’ll understand why things that promote our body to rest and digest will help you not only reduce stress, but bounce back from stressful situations more easily.

How Does the Vagus Nerve Help Anxiety?

I’m glad you asked! Here are seven ways to improve your mental health by activating your vagus nerve.

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Risks and Benefits of Couples Therapy

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Risks and Benefits of Couples Therapy

Couples therapy is a type of counseling that aims to help couples improve their relationship. This type of therapy can be beneficial in a number of ways. First and foremost, couples therapy provides a safe and supportive environment for couples to discuss their issues. This can be especially helpful for couples who struggle with communication. By working with a therapist, couples can learn to communicate more effectively and express their thoughts and feelings in a constructive way.

The Benefits of Trauma Therapy on Couples

The Benefits of Trauma Therapy on Couples

As a Gottman method couples therapist, I have seen firsthand the impact that trauma can have on a relationship. Trauma, whether it be from childhood experiences or more recent events, can leave lasting scars that can affect how we relate to our partners and ourselves. However, I have also witnessed the incredible benefits that trauma therapy can have on relationships. In this blog post, I will explore the ways in which trauma therapy can help couples heal and grow together.

Career Complacency: What To Do When you Don't Know What To Do With Your Life

Career Complacency: What To Do When you Don't Know What To Do With Your Life

Do you ever get jealous of those people who have it all figured out?

Like they knew from a very young age that they wanted to be a veterinarian or a teacher and they just pursued it and ended up with a job they love?

Meanwhile, you might feel a little lost and not sure what your passion is. And work is fine, but you wish you cared more about it.

Is it normal to have no idea what you want to do with your life?

Um, yes, it is.

But actually you probably have some idea. It probably just got clouded by all the pressures you’re facing, some bad past experiences with jobs, and maybe an outdated image of what you thought you wanted but never re-evaluated.

How to Deal With Extreme Family Dependency

How to Deal With Extreme Family Dependency

You can’t choose your family. It’s fair even to say that you can’t choose what qualities and characteristics you inherit from your family. Things like mental health disorders and codependency patterns can be passed along from generation to generation without skipping a beat. Extreme family dependency entails thinking, behaviors, and feelings. On the outside, it can appear to be a close family relationship, but at its core, the very opposite is true…it’s a toxic pattern that leads to other issues.

Have hope, though. There are ways to overcome it and change dynamics to something more positive. It isn’t easy, but it is possible. Here are a few starting points. 

Spotting Codependency in Friendships

Spotting Codependency in Friendships

Next to family, and sometimes in place of family relationships, friendships can be the most important relationships in your life—the foundation for the good and the bad, the ups and the downs.

Independence and mutual respect are necessary for a friendship or any relationship. Many people are aware of codependent romantic relationships, but it is also possible with friendships. When boundaries become non-existent, and friends begin to blend into one another, it can be the telltale of a codependent friendship.

5 Signs You Sold Your Soul to Your Job… & How to Get it Back

5 Signs You Sold Your Soul to Your Job… & How to Get it Back

Jobs typically give you set hours. Once your shift ends, so should the work you do. However, some assignments can feel inescapable when you answer emails or are called in on your days off. Before you know it, your life before you got this job could disappear.

You would not be the first person who has felt they sold their soul for their job. You may be someone who has to work a dissatisfying job to support yourself or your family. Maybe you want to devote yourself to a job you love. The problem is that it can feel like you are never off work. Before you know it, you dedicate your time and energy solely to your job instead of your own needs.

When Gender Socialization Collides with Gender Identity

When Gender Socialization Collides with Gender Identity

There is a lot of weight placed on gender that is so subtly done it’s not always on the radar as problematic. In our social media era, you’ve likely seen or heard about someone’s gender reveal party. Is it a boy? Or is it a girl? The problem lies in how skewed this viewpoint truly can be. It can unknowingly create discomfort and cause underlying issues in a person’s future.

Addressing the Mental Health Stigma for Professionals

Addressing the Mental Health Stigma for Professionals

The year is 2022. Society is becoming more focused on the importance of mental health, but much work still needs to be done. This stigma surrounding mental illness remains present and may even carry more weight for healthcare professionals themselves.

According to the World Health Organization, as many as two-thirds of people who experience mental health difficulties do not seek the appropriate treatment. This number is probably higher for professionals due in part to the fact that stigmas still exist and can cause people to feel ashamed.

Given that anyone struggling with mental health issues is already carrying a daily burden having to grapple with stigmas is additional, unnecessary pain.

In order for anyone, including professionals, to be able to assist others, something needs to be done to address this problem.

What is Betrayal Trauma?

What is Betrayal Trauma?

Your clique. The squad. Your ride or die. Your person. The inner circle of your life. Whether this group consists of family, friends, or some combination of the two, everyone has somebody that they trust closely. When someone within your circle breaks your trust or acts out in a way that hurts you, it can result in betrayal trauma. The level of this trauma depends on how significant the circumstances are. It is also influenced by how necessary a role a person plays in your life.

5 Ways to Improve Communication with Your Neurodivergent Partner

5 Ways to Improve Communication with Your Neurodivergent Partner

Neurodivergent or neurodiverse people have their own unique way of navigating the neurotypical world. It’s no better or worse than the average person, but it is different.

Communication is the framework for any type of relationship, but it can be challenging with someone who is neurodiverse. Here are some ways to manage this with your partner.

Why Do I Feel Anxious For No Reason?

Why Do I Feel Anxious For No Reason?

If you notice you keep telling yourself what you “should be doing” to manage your mental health, take an honest inventory of what you’re actually doing. Many times, people say they are “working on it” but can’t name one or two things they are actually doing. This is like taking a day off but spending it worried about work: It’s not really rest!

Try a few of the things on this list, or come up with your own. There isn’t a right or wrong way, it’s just the way that works for you. But if you’re running out of ideas, talking to a trained mental health professional can help.

Navigating Anxiety After the Overturning of Roe v. Wade

Navigating Anxiety After the Overturning of Roe v. Wade

Why the Overturning of Roe v. Wade Causes Anxiety

Any kind of jolting political update can result in shock, fear, anger, and uncertainty. Our lives are full and nuanced. At some point, we take certain political and social realities for granted. Roe v. Wade dates back to 1973. There are people that have been born since then and have lived their entire lives with this ruling as a part of their reality. Meanwhile, the people that knew the realities of life before 1973 are more advanced in age. Sure, there have been attempts to alter or overturn it, but most people didn’t see it as something that requires constant attention.

Upon hearing the news of the Supreme Court decision, what once felt certain suddenly became chaos. Uncertainty breeds anxiety. ‘What will happen next…How does this affect me and my loved ones…Are we in danger of other drastic changes?’

It’s normal to feel stressed about such scenarios. However, if the stress morphs into a free-floating sense of general anxiety, you could be dealing with a diagnosable disorder. Let’s explore some self-help steps you can take right away to alleviate those stress levels.

5 Signs You Have a Trauma Bond

5 Signs You Have a Trauma Bond

It just doesn’t seem right for the words trauma and bond to be linked. To bond with someone is a good thing, right? Quite often, it is. In fact, it can be one of the best things we have ever experienced. So, to be clear, “trauma bonding” is not about connecting and healing with someone over shared traumas. A trauma bond is something that happens to someone trapped in an abusive relationship.

This is not rare. About 40 percent of women and 10 percent of men report being victimized by intimate partner violence. The keyword there is “report.” Many more examples are kept quiet due to shame or guilt. Let’s take a closer look.

Facing the Challenges of Being Queer & POC

Facing the Challenges of Being Queer & POC

In a world that is quick to discriminate, there are many challenges faced by minority groups. Those challenges are magnified when you belong to two or more of those groups. Queer people of color can face racist and queer-phobic slurs that can take a toll physically and mentally.

In the 21st Century, our world is becoming more inclusive and inviting to minority groups. As our understanding of gender and sexuality expands, more people are able to express their full selves. But this doesn’t mean the work is done. Queer POC face some of the harshest realities in our world today. If more people knew what queer POC went through, we could encourage more conversations about this demographic’s experiences. With a clear understanding of these experiences, those who are queer and POC can suffer fewer mental health challenges.

Here are the challenges that those who are POC and queer face.

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